False advertising

I've heard of this procedure that allows doctors to stitch up hymens to give the illusion of being a virgin again. Jesus Christ! Is that false advertising or what?

What kind of a gold digging bitch thought up that idea? As the good doctor said, 'buy the ticket, take the ride...'

Let's face it folks, in today's age, most of the chicks we're likely to meet have already had everything from beer bottles to barbie dolls shoved up their asses... I mean what else do we use Facebook for? And don't give me that shit about 'everyone deserves a second chance.' Such are the wages of sin! A woman would only opt for this procedure if there was no tread on the tyres anyway... Isn't there a law against turning the odometer clock back?

But I digress, lets talk about a girl I almost knew when I was in the Army. A pay clerk at the base, back then she was known as Belinda and to say she liked to fuck was an understatement. Her enthusiasm for cock became the stuff of legend at the unit and her appetite was only matched by the number of the blokes willing to give it to her. Unfortunately, not me though... the only thing that she fucked where I was concerned was my pay allowances, but that's another story.

Eventually the realisation must have set in that she could mix business and pleasure. And why not? Many women use their pussy as their ticket to ride, some just aren't quite as honest about it. Next thing she was 'face' of Rubys in the yellow pages... followed by a name change to Tyra Olsen and Kazamm! ...another starlet seeking fame & fortune in the land of opportunity. With a string of credits including Ass Crunchers 3, Up and Cummers 44 and Please Cum Inside Me #6 under her belt, I was expecting more from this doughy eyed fuck machine.

But watching Nasty Nymphos 19 left me uninspired and flatly contradicted my mates descriptions of the zest for sex that this freckly faced flesh puppet once exhibited. A wooden performance in a grainy scene, totally devoid of any enthusiasm or erotic value...and whilst I enjoy the meaningful dialogue that these epics provide, her nasally ocker twang was as arousing as running my purple helmeted love warrior against a cheese grater...

No sir, this production is proof of the danger that can befall anybody who may be tempted to take their hobbies into the professional arena. The novelty will soon wear off when you have to use your talent to feed the monkey. Caveat Emptor!